Hey, I Get It – March 3rd

Sometimes when an employee expresses frustration and upset we seek to fix it by letting them know “we get it”.

We want them to know we hear and understand. 

Often, it can be a statement like “yea, I know, these changes are hard.” Or we might say something like “I wish we didn’t have to do this either, but here we are.”

This feels like we are connecting and being present for our employee.

I’ve been here; I’ve done this. I think we all have.

However, if we leave the conversation with that; if we just provide a warm fist-bump of understanding, we could be making things muddier, harder and trickier to navigate, especially if accountability will be required down the road.

There’s a subtle point here with some not-so-subtle consequences.

When we bring acknowledgment and a “friend and family” like approach to their upset, very easily and without us even noticing it we can slide into commiserating with the employee and basically endorse their struggle or disappointment.

Don’t get me wrong – of course we want to bring an understanding and graceful attitude yet as managers we need to bring something else.

We need to bring context and clarity.

When an employee is upset and frustrated, as managers we need to include coaching, developing and guidance.

We can’t stop at the “hey, I get it” or “yea, changes are hard” level.

We need to guide things in ways that develop self-responsibility, solutions and contributions.

We could say something like “Yea, things are tricky right now. Given the needed changes and challenges, what ideas do you have for how things could smooth out?”

Or this “It is challenging being frustrated. Given the new system what are some things you think would help you work through the frustrations you’re feeling?”

There are many warm, thoughtful, connected phrases that could be used.

The key is remembering to not “join” in the upset with just an “I understand-like” attitude.

Be genuine, be a manager, and stay out of commiseration.

I would suggest taking a perspective that you are not there to let an upset employee just complain and vent. You are there to provide an opportunity for an upset employee to connect and get support and guidance in dealing with disappointments. 

Give it a try.