Last week I wrote a message about listening to a peer who is complaining all the time about a co-worker and how to disengage from them gracefully.

It’s a topic that stirred quite a bit of dialogue among the M2M tribe last week. I got a lot of comments and questions back.

The main question was: What do you do if this complaining person is bringing up very valid points and is looking for help?

OK, good question – I thought I’d better do a part 2 of last week’s message…

So, when it’s just repeated griping, complaining and hot air and the griper is not looking for a solution then it’s probably best to disengage and get on with life.

But if there’s something to it, in your opinion, which is valid and concerning then here are some overview guidelines that might help.

1. Help calibrate for accuracy of the situation. This is important. When people are upset they often speak in absolutes with emotionalized conclusions and assumptions about someone or their situation. As a support we can guide for clarity and help our complainer weed out their opinions and be able to site the facts descriptively. What was seen specifically? What was heard specifically? We are looking for objective details. Who, what, when and where. We can help identify what is their strong opinions and interpretations and what are the facts and incidences of the behavior in question.

2. Assess what kind of behavior is in question. Once we have facts we can assess. Are the described behaviors (1) Something that would be considered bullying, harassment, and/or discrimination? (2) Are the behaviors unpleasant to be around and possibly a detriment to the co-op’s culture or it’s goal and missions. (3) Is it annoyance and wishing that person or the situation were different?

3. Determine a course of action. If the behavior falls into the first category above we need to clearly present the facts to HR. If it falls into the second category, then our facts go to the highest appropriate level of authority — store manager or GM. If it falls into the third category then we can provide some coaching and perspective building for our complainer (if they are willing) or be done with participating in repeated complaint sessions.

4. Moving Forward. If it went to HR they will investigate and make a determination. If it went to greater leadership it is theirs to decide if the behavior is addressable or fits within our acceptable values of behavior in our culture – it’s their decision. In the last category, if you’ve listened, coached, and eventually had to set a “no-more” boundary line – hold your line (compassionately).

Now there may be situations that are confusing. Perhaps a concern has been brought to appropriate channels and there has been no notable response.

Maybe that a GM or store manager might decide that the behavior is not ideal but because of other things this person brings to the table, that their behavior is acceptable. It’s their call. (I’m not talking harassment stuff here).

The question for us in this circumstance is this:

Given that decision, from higher authority, what can we do? (This could be many M2M’s)

One thing to try would be to ask for training on how to deal with this type of personality and situation.

Sometimes, it’s a bitter pill when it’s decided that the behavior in question is acceptable at our co-op and we just have to live with it but this happens. The question is, how we will deal with it constructively.

At least we know where things stand, what the facts of the matter are all around, and can take appropriate measures.

Well, there you go. I know this could use more unpacking but hopefully this gives you the basic idea.