(Manager to the employee) “Look, I know you can turn this around. I have a lot of confidence and faith in you. You’re not alone – I am here to support you – but we gotta get this worked out.”
Sound familiar?…let’s take a look at it.
This is a disciplinary conversation – a Six-Step conversation. We’re way down the road of conversations we have been having with our employee by the time we get to a disciplinary meeting.
We’ve been uplifting and directing, training, coaching, and clarifying expectations.
By the time we get to a Six-Step conversation, it is time for the focus, tone, and structure of our conversation to change.
This is not a time to re-assure, soft-pedal or appease. That just muddies the water.
The main message here is not: “…we’re all rooting for you and we’re right with you…”.
The main message here is: “What’s your decision about being here?. What is your commitment to make the needed changes?.”
Honestly, at this point with the employee the message is not, we’re on your side it’s we need you back on this side or the employment relationship is in question.
Clarity, neutrality and grace. Not side-stepping and avoiding.
Why we go soft sometimes is because we’re not prepared for this type of conversation and the ensuing discomforts – theirs and ours.
We need to prepare for disciplinary conversations. We need to be clear on the performance or behavioral concern, what our expectations are and how we’re going to keep the conversation on track. We need to practice with a peer.
It’s a critical time for the employee to be crystal clear of where things stand. Our ability to bring greater structure and formality along as the conversation moves forward on the disciplinary spectrum is an important skill for us all to develop. It is also important that we get in the proper frame of mind.
It’s easy to wobble and soften-up when we believe we are causing an employee pain and discomfort. It’s a time to remind ourselves that employee’s feel discomfort for their reasons and find the grace to stay steady in the midst of their turmoil.
During the course of employment, hopefully, our conversations with our staff members are rich and robust. They occur often and cover all aspects of a dynamic working relationship — coaching, assisting, mentoring and just sharing this thing we call working together. Each type conversation has a time and a place.
Let’s make sure we know the difference and work to develop the skill needed to navigate each phase of employee conversations.