Some time ago I had an employee who was also my friend. I adored her and she also completely stressed me out. She was not a good worker, and I did not want her on my team or to manage her.

It can be a confusing time when we manage friends.

When they aren’t doing their job, our loyalties become split.

And let’s face it, sometimes in our co-ops it is believed that friendship loyalties are supposed to be stronger than loyalty to a business. It is supposed to prove that we are not “uncaring and corporate”.

Well, here is a question – are we really dealing with “loyalties to a business” in this scenario?

I think this is an oversimplification and not expressing what is truly happening.

When we accept the role as a manager, yes, we have accepted an implied loyalty to the co-op.

But there’s more.

For me, there was and still is a loyalty to myself with respect to the choices I make.

I made the choice to mature and grow which so often only takes place with taking on responsibilities.

I made the choice to be a part of something bigger than just myself.

I made the choice to try something new in hopes of it going well.

I made the choice to be a manager, to do a good job and potentially having to manage my friends came with that choice.

Yes, the loyalty of friendship is strong and yet they are not immune to the push and pull of personal change and growth.

I wanted to grow with my new role of being a manager and my friendships needed to find a positive place within it. I want to be loyal to that choice.

What helps is to have honest open communications with the friends we manage so that things don’t need to become icky, sticky or complicated.  

It’s like we’re all in a car together and we as managers are driving, As the people driving, it’s our job to keep the car on the road safely moving toward our destination. We need let our friends know that when that car’s on the road, it’s time to focus on the Co-op’s goals and outcomes. There’ll be lots of time for other things later.

Relationships evolve.  They deepen and they thin.  That’s life. 

But in the scenario of managing our friends we need to be proactive in making everything fit together.