[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.22″][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.25″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” custom_padding=”|1px||||”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/merrimanmanagementsupport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/R.png” _builder_version=”4.9.0″ _module_preset=”default” title_text=”R” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″ custom_padding=”0px|518px||||”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.27.4″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”]<\/p>\n
Ever been around a peer manager or boss who complains about something all the time?<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
They can only see what is not going well, how hassled they are, how inept other people are.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Every time you try to interact with them the griping gates open wide and there you are standing in their storm of upset.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
You can’t even effectively avoid this person; you work together.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
OK, let me cut to the chase here.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
When we find ourselves in this situation there is a part we are playing.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
If most every time they see us, griping starts-up, it usually means that in the past we thought we were being nice and a good person by providing them with a safe, secure place to blow-off their steam.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
It’s the “vent and dump – I am here for you” thing we do to be a supportive teammate or friend. <\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Well now maybe we’re seeing this only goes so far and it’s no longer supportive. They aren’t seeking coaching, advice or listening to help themselves process. They are stuck in a gripe loop that keeps repeating and they want company. After all, negativity is a recruiter. <\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
At first we always hoped that they would see that griping is not getting them anywhere, they would process it, mature, and move on in a better state.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Well now you see that that’s not working and we’re just listening to a complaining habit of negativity and it’s a tough task of turning this boat around and redefining this relationship – at least what we’re willing to listen to on paid co-op time.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
It’s not easy yet there are some things to remember that I feel might help.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
1. We’re not helping anybody who is stuck in a perpetual upset\/gripe loop. All the listening to the same “venting” over and over is enabling the rut they’re in and sending them deeper into it with our implied validation and possibly dragging us down too.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
2. Setting limits on what we’re willing to do (and listen to) is an act of true caring. I’ve seen people get snapped out of it when there is no more willingness to endlessly be an audience. And even if they don’t, at least we are snapped out of it.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
3. This is a workplace, we are here to carry out the tasks, duties, and responsibilities of the co-op. Listening to someone gripe repeatedly is not living up to our commitment.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Being graceful with and caring for this person is important, especially because things don’t usually change overnight as they’re changing for the better.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Productive relationships benefit from clear limits as opposed to implied and unsupervised “freedoms”.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
My encouragement is that if we find ourselves in this type of situation we value ourselves, our time, attention, and energy and that deep desire inside ourselves to truly help someone. <\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Sometimes truly helping takes a little courage, stepping back a bit and bringing forth some limits.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Ever been around a peer manager or boss who complains about something all the time? They can only see what is not going well, how hassled they are, how inept other people are. Every time you try to interact with them the griping gates open wide and there you are standing in their storm of upset. You can’t even effectively avoid […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2112,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"\n
Ever been around a peer manager or boss who complains about something all the time?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They can only see what is not going well, how hassled they are, how inept other people are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Every time you try to interact with them the griping gates open wide and there you are standing in their storm of upset.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You can't even effectively avoid this person; you work together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
OK, let me cut to the chase here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When we find ourselves in this situation there is a part we are playing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If most every time they see us, griping starts-up, it usually means that in the past we thought we were being nice and a good person by providing them with a safe, secure place to blow-off their steam.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It's the \"vent and dump - I am here for you\" thing we do to be a supportive teammate or friend. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Well now maybe we're seeing this only goes so far and it's no longer supportive. They aren't seeking coaching, advice or listening to help themselves process. They are stuck in a gripe loop that keeps repeating and they want company. After all, negativity is a recruiter. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
At first we always hoped that they would see that griping is not getting them anywhere, they would process it, mature, and move on in a better state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Well now you see that that's not working and we're just listening to a complaining habit of negativity and it's a tough task of turning this boat around and redefining this relationship - at least what we're willing to listen to on paid co-op time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It's not easy yet there are some things to remember that I feel might help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. We're not helping anybody who is stuck in a perpetual upset\/gripe loop. All the listening to the same \"venting\" over and over is enabling the rut they're in and sending them deeper into it with our implied validation and possibly dragging us down too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
2. Setting limits on what we're willing to do (and listen to) is an act of true caring. I've seen people get snapped out of it when there is no more willingness to endlessly be an audience. And even if they don't, at least we are snapped out of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
3. This is a workplace, we are here to carry out the tasks, duties, and responsibilities of the co-op. Listening to someone gripe repeatedly is not living up to our commitment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Being graceful with and caring for this person is important, especially because things don't usually change overnight as they're changing for the better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Productive relationships benefit from clear limits as opposed to implied and unsupervised \"freedoms\".<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My encouragement is that if we find ourselves in this type of situation we value ourselves, our time, attention, and energy and that deep desire inside ourselves to truly help someone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sometimes truly helping takes a little courage, stepping back a bit and bringing forth some limits.<\/p>\n","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"project_category":[3],"project_tag":[],"class_list":["post-2111","project","type-project","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","project_category-m2m"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/merrimanmanagementsupport.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/project\/2111","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/merrimanmanagementsupport.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/project"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/merrimanmanagementsupport.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/project"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/merrimanmanagementsupport.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/merrimanmanagementsupport.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2111"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/merrimanmanagementsupport.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/project\/2111\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2114,"href":"http:\/\/merrimanmanagementsupport.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/project\/2111\/revisions\/2114"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/merrimanmanagementsupport.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2112"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/merrimanmanagementsupport.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2111"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"project_category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/merrimanmanagementsupport.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/project_category?post=2111"},{"taxonomy":"project_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/merrimanmanagementsupport.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/project_tag?post=2111"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}